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fan fiction

by ???

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1.
intro 00:24
2.
burnout 01:10
ill be home soon to sleep with you im drowned in alcohol just to forget you im telling my friends theyre telling their friends this is an honest mistake i should have left in my past she said you cant get far "all you do is smoke weed in your car" i wish i was dead so its easiest to break this fucking promise i said
3.
skulduggery 02:16
you see me walkin down the street still no school or full time job for me falsehood hoodie same black jeans remembering all the mutual empathy i cant shake this curse, probematic at birth and whats worse you stood there watching me as i burnt out i am a ghost just fading disguised by what you see me as im attention seeking never knowing what i want never loving who i lost you know for me that it’s not getting better when im still stuck on the lies that i fed her i’lll outgrow, change my views to do what you want me to do as you stare right through me while im low on health drink the potion before im weak off your spell you think im out of my mind all i want is her but ill still call you mine this is my call for help someone end this pain before the reaper drags me to hell
4.
oahu 02:11
its something we push to the side like how i do not like bringing up certain conditions like why my skins so sensitive turning red from a seatbelt my body always shivering i do not like the cold december if a plane ticket to oahu is what it takes to become stronger i wont stop you and if i promise that ill be here for you when youre back ive made friends with all these fucking ghosts who look at me as one of them ive got girls making up stories yet ive never even spoken to them if im considered manipulative i was still born a human first believe to what i was programmed being fragile isnt my reason youre hurt so ill cover my sadness with alcohol i love feeling nothing and nothing at all what im tryna say is if theres a cliff near me id no doubt jump i cant promise that ill be here for you when youre back
5.
gush 04:12
mid july my friends are passing by but im just looking for a fix posts have shown guess yeah im one of you maybe were all dead end streets take me back to four years ago before youre this ghost i conversed with wrote it down but i never hit send its been said im always hiding with it this is it i dont care past mistakes leave me there who said you cant change the script? i was the one person you locked onto yet you double dipped so ill cut the cord and rerelease everything that we once had stored that was once left stored and everyday ill go and mend this war cause im proud to say that im growing better its not you im in love with anymore go ahead find my window when its open you know what time i sleep say ive changed say im a fool yet debate i dont respect you ill say it im happy you found a way out on your island far away from this town theres no use to be hung up on you its time to restart it was hell while it lasted
6.
trife 02:32
so come on over and smoke a fat blunt with me fantasize about our enemies dying slowly going a hundred on the speedway as they crash and are blown inside out of the seat keep my shades closed lost my door key fall off the face of the world i want you to forget me but how can i forget you? you say im abusive but we both know youre using that as an excuse to get back at me whatever helps you sleep better
7.
off 03:05
im not sad cuz im lonely im lonely because im sad these days i tend to keep to myself your husband is nothing on me was this lust or just good kissing chemistry just put me in a box and wake me up when its winter time i can try to freeze myself cool til the future im the king of the whole fucking world make all my dreams come true then wake me when its over i just want to die so badly i just want to kill myself
8.
elusive 02:36
pale as a ghost kept in a cage your eyesight reddens my face so ill sleep when the sun comes up and hide in my den for the day braindead and anxious oh i just hate this everyday getting out of bed uptight complacent heavy medicated erase this world of revenge im tired of making others happy while i get nothing in return junkie all day but a lover by night all thats left is a broken heart and an abused liver
9.
sustain 01:18
ive gotten better at accepting my problems cause theres no way to run from all of them and yet i still choose to be uncomfortable by everything its about not losing to your past until you give up and wake up on the train tracks i hate to admit the selfish way out seems a lot less stressful
10.
stay 01:06
the light above your head shines right through my pathway im a pool of emotions i cant fucking say you dont even kiss me the same before you leave anymore....
11.
pawcatuck 01:24
12.
depakote 03:39
choke im being watched from a far so long tonight memories i brought up when i lay tired and this doesnt help with closure no i dont actually care about making you believe i actually care its time to clock out when im inside your head i hate who ive become but i think you love me too much to watch me fail so i hold onto her my heart knows its not what i want another milestone without your name paired with mine i think its something notable to work on my yelling seems to just only turn you on i dont need this painting of birds to remind me of this element im chasing of this i found in her i hate things ive done but what good is there if im shunned act like you dont know what im doing im fully aware of who im hurting hurt me growing pains are the worse im stuck here with this curse of me not feeling anything at all
13.
the end 03:55
all good things come to an end but was i to begin with these songs that i write are my call for help but is this really helping me getting better so ill put on a save face and tell you im okay shade the phrase to coat it why i push this all away and now i am dying alone so ill make a scene in this parking lot watch your tears drying up on your face were not good for eachother just 2 toxic lovers one pain is always worse than the other in this jail cell im stuck in my head (reliving every situation and person ive lost from manic decisions ive made til the point where i cant sleep anymore) now im alone its what i deserve every memory is faded every picture is deleted every word is unspoken because i am a ghost
14.
kms 03:15
the smile i had is now extinct i fantasive about people forgetting me never sober never again isolation the past few years they never noticed i disappeared keep me stored in the attic display me on a stage to others pull my strings and duck for cover like a christmas tree up in february the thought of you and him is scary and i dont know how to cope anymore so ill stay in bed waste the time ahead why would i fake happiness when i can kill myself instead

credits

released May 23, 2020

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??? Solitude, Utah

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